What you’re about to read is embarrassing for two reasons. It mentions me loving to stuff by myself (therefore meaning I’m somewhat a loser), and it has to do with going to the bathroom. Try not to judge me, I’m writing this with my eyes metaphorically closed.
The look I usually get from friends, family, and acquaintances a like when I tell them I’m going to the movies by myself is one of pity, sadness and urgency. “Wait until next week and I’ll go with you!”, they usually say. But what they don’t understand is that I like going by myself. Depending on the movie, I actually love it. I’ve been doing it since my first year of college and not once have I felt like a wierdo. I used to try and persuade those very people to do it themselves one day, to take themselves out on a date. Movie and dinner wherever you’d like, no opinions asked; now doesn’t that sounds nice? I don’t suggest it anymore though because I don’t want what happened to me to happen to them.
The theaters I choose to go to are usually the small, cute, and quaint ones. The one I go to in Melbourne is the first I’ve been to where the box office is also the candy bar. Confusing. I already had a large popcorn and glass of house red wine in hand before the usher ripped my ticket to see Silver Linings Playbook in half. I was so excited I didn’t think through they nights agenda and it was only after I passed by the sign for the ladies toilet on my way to Theatre 3 that I realized I had to use it. It was one of those times that if I didn’t go before, I knew I would go during the movie and there’s no way I was going to be That Guy.
As I took my place in the long ladies line, I realized I had no one to hold my treats while I went inside. I didn’t freak out yet though and instead concentrated on spotting someone else in line with food in their hands. No one. Now I panicked a bit, but thought surely I’ll see someone coming out of the toilet with delicious snacks. But with each individual step I took closer to threshold, came out a new person with freshly washed hands holding nothing but their dumb iPhones.
I’m not sure why it felt like such an awful thing, but being next in line to use the toilet while still taking sips of wine and handfuls of popcorn was terrifying. What do I do next? Would I put them on the floor? Behind the toilet seat? Leave them outside and hope no one eats any? The worst part was not knowing if this was an unusual occurrence or not. What do normal people do in these extreme situations? I choose balancing them on the toilet seat.
In that moment I realized why going to the movies a lone may not be all it’s cracked up to be. From now on I will agree to disagree, and never leave the house without going to the bathroom again.