Lucerne, Switzerland: Cheese Fondue

So it turns out that Switzerland is amazingly beautiful. Oh, you already knew that?

We arrived in a dark Lucerne, after being on the train from London for what felt like an entire day. Instead of the views, I first noticed a mysterious castle on a far away hill top. It seemed like real estate out of Beauty and the Beast, turns out it’s an abandoned hotel Michael Jackson was looking to buy as a home. Switzerland turned him down. Oh, how things could have been different. Second thing I noticed was swans. Beautiful swans everywhere, swimming around with heart shaped wings setting the mood for a romantic vacation that would not be had. Third was the “music” our four stomachs were making. We were tired and in need of food.

Swiss food was preferable but anything would do at 10pm. We picked the restaurant at the edge of Lake Lucerne and around the corner from our hotel. Easy! But then came the hard part; communicating with our non English speaking waiter. I had been to Geneva, Switzerland before where everyone speaks either English, French or even Spanish. I can certainly handle that. German is a challenge. There were four of us and no one had a clue as to what was being said. It was embarrassing.

“Frommage Fondue por favorie, for everyone.” I said to waiter, pointing to the sentence on the menu where Cheese Fondue had been translated from German. Then I said something about being so hungry I could eat the Chapel Bridge. This was a bad joke because a) it wasn’t funny and b) he didn’t get it.

He punished me by bringing out the Fondue step by step, making it impossible to dig right in. We welcomed the anticipation; first he placed the fire burner in the middle of the table, then the long stemmed forks came, then came the square cut, whole wheat bread, and roasted potatoes. Finally, it was showtime! A bubbling hot pot of cheese was placed on the fire burner. It gave off a scent even a non cheese lover would have to take a whiff of. It was thoroughly enjoyed.

But! I came to the conclusion that there are three negative things about Fondue: the 3-5 minute wait of watching and not eating is tough, the transformation from a lovely cheese fondue to a pack of peed on white cotton balls by someone who went an entire day without drinking water or takes too many vitamins, and, finally, the fact it’s hard to do anything but lay the rest of the night.

Despite those things, cheese fondue is definitely worth enjoying. It’s delectable and fun! You’ll loose bread in the pot, only to scoop up your cheesiest bite yet. You’ll like that so much, you’ll start loosing potatoes on purpose. Then you start stealing your familie’s lost items. You’ll have to apologize, but that’s a small price to pay. You’ll even play a game called “Help Me Rip Apart My Cheese”. Inevitable, fun will surround you and laughs will be had!

In our hotel room post meal, I turned only my face to my mom and give her the guilty oh no, what have I done to myself face. Then she summed it up perfectly: “Once every 3 years is fine!”

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