That Donkey is Not Your Friend

The only thing I don’t recommend you do in Greece is: Ride the donkeys.

Sure, go see the donkeys but remember they are not your friends. You will not be able to control these little devils. They will ram you into the stone wall until your leg gets scratched up and rashy. I’m not being a baby… it hurts!

Also, they don’t like to, even lazily, move around other tourists, they love to walk straight at them. I had to apologize to every tourist trying to enjoy the amazing view of Santorini.

The last reason not to do this is that no one who is Greek actually does this. Every time we shared  our experience with tan, dark and handsome Greek man they thought we were crazy. It’s for tourists

If you don’t take my advice and pay 5 Euros for one of these suckers, don’t grab the railings when your donkey forces you against the wall. There is a huge probability you will fall over the edge.

I’m convinced they (the donkeys) do this as pay back for making them stand perfectly still in rows of up to hundreds for hours, probably days.

Something I recommend you do in Greece: Rent an ATV/4 wheeler for the day!

Yes, rent it for the entire day. Before we even landed in Greece we were both forbidden to rent an ATV, and forced to promise we’d try it.

We passed on them in Mykonos, but in Santorini it seemed safer and less complicated to get around so we went for it.

The average price for one four wheeler is about 20 Euros + gas but it’s worth every penny to see the city in that way. We had ours for just two hours, leaving from Kamari Beach to the red sand beach and back. It was perfect, our salted hair was flowing in the wind, our helmets didn’t fit, the engines kept back firing, we had a map but got lost, we pulled over whenever we wanted to see the views, got thumbs up for being two girls on one 4 wheeler. To be honest, it ended up being my favorite part of the trip. Yes, way better than the donkeys.

It really took the beauty of Santorini to another level. I felt I was within it all instead of just someone passing through and looking in from a bus window. If (“when”) I get back there, I’ll rent a 4 wheeler for my entire stay.

Side note: Public Transportation is excellent in Santorini. Only 1.60 euros, clean, always on time and available to every destination you’re looking for.

The Enemy: Onions

Do you remember the first time your parents trusted you with a knife? My guess is that the knife was put in your hand to chop onions.

Cutting onions is the biggest pain in the as-, eyes. Unless you have been around onions for years, you are guaranteed to cry. And even if you have been hiding open onions under your pillow to train for such moments you will still, at the very least, tear up.

It’s a terribly exhausting experience to go through. There was even a time when I preferred cooking meals that didn’t require any onions, but those meals were boring and plain. I needed onions back; I wanted them back.

I thought it would be better after some time apart but it turned out to be the same grueling work as it’s always been. I congratulate myself for holding back tears five seconds in, but let myself down when tears start streaming down my face.

Some times are better than others. On good days I just cry through it, but there comes a point when I can’t see my surroundings anymore. It’s like the onion wants me to slice my finger open; the enemy. I know better. I put the knife down and walk away, get as far from the onion as possible to regain my composure. I shut my eyes tight, and try to squeeze out the lingering tears. Then I stretch my face, but I don’t know why that does absolutely nothing.

Each time I go back to the cutting board my boyfriend has attempts to take over. He lasts a little longer than me but always meets the same fate. The onions get the best of him also.

The whole process takes no more than 5 minutes before we’re both back to normal, but sometimes I just want to make a caramelized onion tart with gorgonzola and brie cheese without looking like a 16 year old girl who’s just been cheated on by her quarterback boyfriend with her best friend, you know what I mean?

So, I’m thinking of investing in Bed Bath and Beyond’s Onion Goggles. Have you used them yet? I tried swimming goggles, but they failed me.

Bonus: If you want to laugh after such a depressing, negative, ridiculous post (sorry!), watch the demo starring a Bed Bath and Beyond employee.

Added Bonus: This post reads ten times better with Everytime by Britney Spears playing in the background.

Oh, Common Blake Lively!

This quote from Blake Lively featured on the Shape Magazine website sucks.

“I eat cupcakes and I don’t work out! But if you ask me in 10 years, I’m going to regret answering that way now. I don’t even drink water, I’m terrible! I’m 24 now, so I guess I’ve been very, very lucky that it doesn’t show that I like to eat. I should probably start working out I guess…” 

– Blake Lively 

You guess? This is not cool. In fact, I’m offended. Why rub this in the faces of all the Shape Magazine readers? Why not just say cupcakes are your guilty pleasure, and that even though you like to eat, you eat responsibly. That seems pleasant and realistic, especially since you looooove to cook. And, you don’t drink water!?

You are either a non human who can only consume cup cakes or lying to us all. I really hope it turns out you’re not human because no one likes a liar, no one (not even Ryan). But what do I know? You’re the one with the gigantic rock on your finger.

Photo cred:

Anastasia Steele vs. Eating

Sometimes you have to read books just to know what is going on. I don’t ever want to be left out of a conversation that revolves around a book. That being said, I finished Fifty Shades of Grey and the only question I have is: why the doesn’t Anastasia Steele like to eat?What is this strange thing she had against food?

She’s going to let this gorgeous man basically own her and one of the things he demands is that she eat, and eat well. I don’t mean to be intrusive or tell Anastasia how to live her life but… WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ANASTASIA?

The man is loaded and would love take you to any restaurant for 3 course meals, I bet he would even do 5 courses. As long as you make him think it was his idea of course, but that’s the easy part. Not to mention that you don’t have to feel guilty about enjoying the food since he also demands you work out with a personal trainer 4 times a week. Why you’d bring it down to three beats me (pun intended). It’s free, Anastasia. Free!

I also catch myself wondering what his kitchen looks like. Swooooon.